As a person in Business and in life, we can often come face to face with disrespect.
It can be disrespect from colleagues, disrespect from our exes and the father/mother of our children, disrespect from our parents or peers, it can be disrespect from government officials, or any person of authority. Disrespect can sneak into any situation and it can leave you feeling ‘less than’ and rather victimized.
Since our goal is to REMOVE the victim in the scenario – (this is an empowered person’s first goal.) We need to be aware of what is happening and make steps to deal with it. First, we need to recognize when we are being disrespected so that it is not normalized, but treated truthfully for what it is – abuse. Could you possibly be in an abusive relationship? Check out the ‘Red Flags’ and early warning signs to see if you are.
Here are 10 signs of disrespect:
THEY DON’T LISTEN
When you begin to talk they give you body signals ( looking at phone or watch) to indicate that what you are saying is not important and that they have better things to do.
When you are talking they give you only a few words of space and then start talking over you. What they have to say is way more valuable and important than what you have to say.
THEY TALK AT YOU RATHER THAN WITH YOU
They don’t approach conversations with an open demeanor and they talk down to you and don’t wait for your reply. It is a one sided conversation.
THEY DON’T INCLUDE YOU IN IMPORTANT DECISIONS
They make decisions without asking you to weigh in. They don’t deem your input as valuable.
THEY ARE ALWAYS LATE
They don’t honour their commitments to you for meetings or other arranged times. They are just fine making you wait for them and likely won’t apologize for being late.
THEY TALK BEHIND YOUR BACK
They enlist others and make up stories and ‘gossip’ about you. They make false judgments on you and decide that they are right about these judgments.
THEY DON’T HONOUR AGREEMENTS
If they’ve even been able to listen long enough to agree to terms, they will quickly forget them and not honour them.
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU AND IGNORE YOUR BOUNDARIES
They will make up excuses and otherwise not operate in integrity with you. They will ignore boundaries you make, and you will feel afraid to make any boundaries to protect yourself around them.
THEY WILL LAUGH
Or dismiss your concerns when you bring them up.
THEY WILL ACT AS THOUGH YOU ARE DAMAGED
Weak, stupid, needing counseling, damaged or any other derogatory way of reducing you to be beneath them.
Now that you have recognized you are being disrespected. What do you Do?
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU
KNOW that this is all more about them than it is about you. These people have issues themselves and they are very insecure so they feel a need to diminish other people to feel good about themselves. They could even have personality disorders ( Narcissism or Sociopath behaviours) YOU do count, you are valuable and what you say matters. You need to stay strong and sure in this and realize the weakness is coming from the person disrespecting you, not you.
TRY TO COMMUNICATE
Ideally, you want to find a way to communicate to these individuals so that they hear you and start adjusting their behavior. But, often that doesn’t work, so then you work on the following steps to remove yourself from the situation.
CONSIDER CHANGING LOCATION
If this is a work situation, see if you can connect with a ‘higher up‘ to explain your situation with this person. If the higher up disrespects you, seriously consider leaving the place you work.
If this is an ex spouse situation, get all agreements in writing or as court orders and consider investing in a mediator or lawyer to intercept all communications for you
TIME TO LET GO
If you are in a situation that you can leave the dynamic – then LEAVE. You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life. Pack your bags, put in your resignation letter. It may seem drastic, but believe me, it is far less drastic than the hell you’ll be living if you stay around.
GET SOME SUPPORT
If you cannot leave the situation, work with a counselor or therapist to establish strong boundaries and ways of relating to people who are unable to offer respect.
Being disrespected feels terrible, and often as Women we just absorb it and carry on believing that it is our issue and we must have done something to deserve it. It can be easier to stay quiet and just deal with it than speak up and protect yourself from it. BUT, what you lose when you don’t speak up is far more drastic and soul sucking than what you lose if you do speak up and shake the tree.
Normalization of abuse, disrespect and shame is what happens in many dynamics in personal and work relationships and it is important to start being AWARE of the abuse before you can remove the victim from it. Being a Victim will never serve you, and you can get away from it, but it takes a willingness to do so.
Educate yourself on the signs of disrespect, be honest with yourself and find support networks to start removing yourself from the situation or other ways of handling it that don’t allow the disrespectful person to continue with their behavior.
It all starts with us. We are the agents of our own change. Be Brave and do what you need to do to love yourself by valuing yourself enough to not allow this kind of thing in your life, from ANYONE.
Are you unsure if you are facing disrespect in your life? Comment below. Have you dealt with disrespect successfully before? Let me know how you handled it in the comment section below! I welcome ALL comments!
I have been disrespected most of my life. It started with my narcissistic father who emotionally and physically abused my mother, my brother and me. He went out and had an affair and got his mistrrss pregnant, and then told me that I thought I was better than my half-sister when I was 15 and she was 8. The only thing I told him was she hated playing sports. He said, “I don’t want her to be like you.” He completely messed up my self-esteem. I am learning by internet research; how to love myself and others and to stay away from narcissistic people.
Good for you! There is not much we can do about our parents and how they treated us when we are children, we rely on them for our survival. However, when we are adults, it is within our power to undo the damage and reverse the effects with our own healing. Bravo for taking your healing into your own hands and treating yourself with respect!
what are the signs of a narc in a man.Im working with a guy at the moment we r not in any relationship but i do like him but in the begiing we used to talk and i thought he was a nice guy so i feel 4 him but then he asked for my number and message me a few times then he rang me drunk and rold me he dont date women or kiss them he just wants sex and i told him his digusting pig and not to talk to me eber again but after along time he apologised but im very guarded and mistrusting so i didnt believe him.After he apologized the next day he acted off with me so i ignored him again but i still have feelings for him so i dont know how to stop thinking of him
Hi Pamela! Thank you for taking the time to write and share your current challenges. Based on what I’m hearing in your comment, this man has some red flags and you are correct to be wary. Trust your instincts. I understand the challenge when you find yourself attracted to someone who you might already know is toxic and not healthy for you, this is where some of the deeper work has to happen as to why you are attracted to this type of drama and toxic energy. There is no shame, since many of us come from this place and learn the hard way – present company included. Apologies do help, but look at the actions and behaviour, not the words and TRUST your instincts.
Here is my situation. There is a “friend” who continues to disrespect and undermine me. We are in an organization. I am the Treasurer. He continually does my job, purchasing things, without consulting me or my permission. This individual has women issues, control issues, very self-centered, narcissistic. I’m getting to dislike him, and he won’t change. Disrespectful to women. He must have control, and be the boss. How do I handle him without getting angry? Not liking him at all right about now…
Hi there! This does not sound like a fun situation to be in at all. If he isn’t your direct ‘boss’ then he has no place micromanaging you. Even if he was your boss, that is not a very productive way to go about things. It sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place. If there is someone in a higher level of power who you can talk to about this situation, I would suggest that as well. If boundaries or talking to someone who can help with these boundaries doesn’t work, I would suggest deciding if you want to continue in this dynamic. It is very demeaning if not corrected and you deserve to have safe and supportive place in which to work. Let me know how that goes and good luck to you!
Hi Miss Pamela,
Signs of narc in a man, some things that I observed with the last few guys that I’ve dated are a huge list but a few things… Invalidation – they make you feel like your feelings, interests, desires don’t matter. They make you feel less than. Like say for instance, you tell him something about your day or something that you like and he doesn’t say anything but changes the subject, starts talking about himself or his day, his interests, or if he does respond, it’s a one word comment like “nice” “sweet” “cool” but he will talk 10 min nonstop about himself. Narcs always like to keep the attention on themselves. Usually whenever they are paying attention to you it’s a form of manipulation. They will pay you just enough attention to get you interested then soon as you begin paying attention to them then they stop calling, texting or act distracted. They put you on the back burner as soon as they feel like you like them. It’s a big game to them. They play jealousy games like commenting on how hot other women are or calling you another woman’s name “by mistake” They may let your calls go to voice mail and wait intentionally before calling you back just to make you wonder why aren’t they responding. Same thing with texting. They’ll wait to respond just to play head games. He’ll intentionally leave things from other women around like letters, cards, teddy bears just to make you jealous. Most narcs that I’ve dated presented themselves as perfect gentleman in the beginning but soon as you start showing interest in them, they act an ass. Whatever you do, don’t lose yourself like I did. Keep doing you and having fun. Peace.
Run as fast and as far as you can from him! Don’t have anything to do with self-centred men – they get worse because these “little boys” are bullies and cowards. Have zero tolerance for these cowards.
Pray for a “man” that has all the qualities that you know will benefit you and him and your family. Teach your daughters the same. Teach your sons to respect women.
You need to love yourself for who you are DONT LISTEN TO THAT SON OF A BI***
Hi, I’m so sorry you went through that
All the Best on your Healing Journey . ♥️
I’m almost 60 years old and I just realized that I’m not the person my mom wants me to be and I never will be. Most recently I’ve discovered that mom has always been like this. She looks at you and tells you how bad you look or how you need to put on makeup and dress like a woman! Well I am a woman who has risen above my mother’s veil mouth and I had to tell her she was makin me upset and she just shrugs and gets angry with me when I ask her to stop badgering me. Mother’s day was yesterday and felt like I wasn’t wanted there, she had ask another woman to go to mom’s day church breakfast and I felt like a stranger next to mom. I can’t remove her from my life so I deal with her nasty attitude
Hi there! Thank you for your comment. It’s hard enough realizing that you are being disrespected, but when it comes from a parent, especially a mom who you feel is supposed to love you unconditionally and support you with love and compassion, it can hurt really deeply. I intimately understand this – Mother’s day can be difficult. I wrote a post about the ‘dark side of Mother’s Day’ which you might feel some connection to. Please let me know what you think! https://www.kaarelong.com/darksideofmothersday/
Again, thank you for taking the time to share your own personal journey, it can be a great challenge, but the path to healing begins when you decide things must change. I wish you the best, because you are worth it, and you are valuable! 🙂
how do set boundaries
Hi again! This article might help you get started: https://www.kaarelong.com/8-steps-setting-boundaries-relationships/
Also, google ‘how to set boundaries’ you will get lots of results that you can read through to start learning how to do this very important act of ‘self care’ and ‘self love’ – all the power to you!
Honestly Miss Pamela, the best way to set boundaries is a cut dry approach. You have to establish what you will and won’t put up with and stick with it. If he crosses the line, you must put him in his place. Lets say for example, the guy that you are dating has a habit of showing up late all the time for dates. One way to show him your boundary is to leave. Example, you guys are suppose to meet for dinner at 8:30. If he doesn’t call or text to say that he is running late then you should bounce by 8:40 something like that. Men have to be trained like dogs (seriously). They don’t understand sweetness and kindness these days unfortunately. If he says that he is going to call you at 6pm, I would give him until about 6:10 then if he hasn’t called by then, go on with my evening. He can go to voicemail. Also, don’t give him priority in your life. Let him earn it. Peace
How do I deal with a relative who shows disrespect? I live alone in my house where I used to live with my parents. Now that they have passed away, a relative wants to move in. She said she’ll do a better job in looking after the house and said that if she move in she doesn’t have to worry about paying rent as she can stay for free. I am certainly not happy with that. Now she’s trying to sabotage by placing cats nearby my house though she’s never been interested in cats and though she lives elsewhere, so she’d came around every day supposedly to feed her cats and take care of them. My gut feeling tells me that she’s trying to make me feel guilty but I don’t know how to verify that. She would come every day before I leave for work and before i get home. Every time she’s around she would enter the gate and leave it open even though I’ve closed it. So when I am about to leave home I will find the gate opened even though I closed it the night before. Then when I returned I find the gate opened again even though i closed it before I left. I was thinking of locking the gate but I worry that it’s just falling exactly into her plan. She’ll say that she only entered the gate because she needed to get a bowl of water for her cats. If I lock the gate she’ll just approach my neighbours and ask for water for her cats and use that as opportunity to make me look like so selfish as to refuse a relative even a bowl of water to feed cats! I feel like so disrespected but trapped and nlw don’t know what to do. Please help!
Emma – it does appear to be that you are in a toxic situation and are being manipulated. I would suggest you seek out some personal counseling to start learning how to own your own power, asses what YOU need and find ways to start recovery so that you can have healthy boundaries with family members and friends. There is a different way! Get the support you need! Best of luck to you, and start today!
I am super upset for you! I would get a security system with a camera like Vivent for live and recorded proof, get legal get an attorney and get her the heck away from you
I am 50ish years old and have been in a relationship with my spouse for over 30 years. I have been constantly accused of being disrespectful for comments and such to females I know to many times to count. As I dont agree i find myself wondering what makes something “DISRESPECTFUL ” ? My position on this is that there is no list of things that are disrespectful. I believe it solely depends on intent of a statement or action and how it is recieved by the other party. For example, if a sexual statement is made to bartender with their significant other sitting right beside them, is this always disrespectful?? I bet 99.9% say yes, but if i am a regular patron and am quite familiar with the bartender and the intent is NOT in search of activities with the bartender but is just another set of words as any other statement, and is also viewed in the same way by the bartender, is this unquestionably disrespectful to my spouse?
I’d say that if your spouse thinks it is disrespectful, it is. There is no ‘golden rule’ it is all about relationships and we don’t get to control what hurts others. If that relationship matters to you, listen and make a change. If what change is being asked of you feels disrespectful, then there is a dilemma that needs to be sorted out through more talking, counseling or perhaps even an understanding that there is no place of agreement – agree to disagree. Then its up to both to assess if it is a ‘deal breaker’ – again, it’s not about making what things ‘specifically’ could be seen as disrespectful, there are some ‘red flags’ in relationships which is what I shared. Intent is important and if you find all your relationships are healthy, non toxic and happy then great! But, if you find you’re having to explain to others how what you are saying is not disrespectful in your opinion, then sorry to say, it might be you.
My husband is very disrespectful. He breaks almost every boundary I set. Makes statements about other women “like damn you could get my check” or I been looking at her since the day she started working here. When I confront him he will say we’ll she does look good. You don’t see anyone who you think looks nice. Help. I’m tired.
Hello, I’m a single Mom of 3 (Kaine 19, Jaydin 15, & Serenity 6)my kids are who disrespect me but they don’t see it as such. Here’s what happened today that I’ll use as an example:
I told my 2 oldest (boys), that I wanted the gutters cleaned out. My oldest says he works so doesn’t think he should have to do anything & it’s his off day & to tell Jaydin to do it. I explain that I told him & Jaydin both to do it. That I do everything around the house so when I tell them to do something that I expect it to be done. That he doesn’t pay any rent, bills, or for any of the stuff he uses such as hygiene etc. So cleaning gutters is the least he could do. Needless to say, it rapidly escalates, I told him to get out. I don’t feel I have to justify or explain myself when they ask why I asked them to do something. It’s self explanatory why, cuz I told them to & don’t tell to do stuff often. Kids nowadays think they’re so entitled. Entitled to get every luxury taken from em for their reckless disrespect. Then have the nerve to say that I don’t work cuz not employed. I don’t work cuz I care for my special needs daughter & them, just they don’t require as much as she does. That I work everyday just without monetary compensation! I don’t ask them to do chores cuz if you want something done right, do it yourself. So rather than criticize or make them feel bad cuz it’s not how I like it done, I do it myself. But how does that lead to disrespect etc? I try to talk to em, & be honest, listen to em, but it never fails that when told to do something, it’s a knock down drag out. Even with garbage every Tues since we moved into new home Aug2016. I’m over it!
Being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs I ever had. You have enough on your plate, and with 3 kids it can be a monumental task to keep them fed and also keep them in line and ‘parented’ – is a big job. And what I want to say first is you are amazing. Single parents rarely get the accolades they deserve as they are doing the MOST important job out there. Now, on to the issue at hand. I would suggest you find a counsellor or someone who can help you get a handle on what is happening in your home. Reaching out for help is not a weakness, it is incredible strength. What you need is support and some tools to start working with your kids to teach them respect and boundaries. You doing it on your own is likely contributing to the issue because it takes a lot of energy to do this, and you have so little to spare. Find some skilled support – as a mom this is the best thing you can do for your children because if they go out into the world with this attitude, it won’t serve them. You are worth it, focus on you first – then your kids will fall in line one way or another.
I’m on disability and have been for some years. I have tried to return to the workforce multiple times to no avail and only end up feeling like a failure. My boyfriend regularly throws the fact that I don’t have a job in my face because he has to work and he doesn’t want to. I have tried explaining the gift of being employed is wanted by so many and he should feel blessed, not only to be able to work, but to be fortunate to be employed.
Added to that, I am constantly disrespected and I can’t take much more from this situation. I want to leave, however being on disability and having to survive on it, limits my ability to save money, let alone be able
To find an apartment to rent, or anyplace to go, or anyway to get there. All of my family members are at least two hours away and I know no one else in the town I live in, other than my boyfriend.
Added to the disrespectful behavior, he takes my things and gives them away to others with or without my knowledge, and if I ask about it, I only get lies or he skirts around the issue, or flat out denies any knowledge of what I am talking about.
I’m just stuck and am beside myself with the whole situation. I have no way to get him to move, cuz I’ve tried that, he can’t even afford to pay for our place on his own without me, so if I move, the place gets lost anyway.
He refuses to leave and I have no way to leave. We are in a fairly small town and resources are limited. We have no public transit or any way of getting around and the winters are brutal.
Do you have any suggestions that might give me some sort of hope for myself and getting out of this horrible relationship that beats me down everyday. Please, I appreciate your feedback. Thanks
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you feel very trapped and alone – that is totally understandable. I strongly urge you to follow your instincts and get some support and help to get you out of that situation. It may feel impossible, but all you need to do is take one step in that direction at a time. You CAN do this. Don’t give up and keep asking for help – make sure your family know how serious this is and how you need help to getaway. Power to you fellow warrior.
I have been going to a hobby class for 20 years and for most of those years I have been aware of the dismisiveness of the instructor but put up with it because I loved the class. (Porcelain doll painting) the disrespect was subtle and would sometimes ease off.
Well about 18 months ago my son assaulted my daughter with a very large knife and had to be housed with full time carers through NDIS, he was underage at the time. This changed the atmosphere in the class significantly and the abuse became more subtle and dismissive.
I soldered on as I have encountered this treatment in most situations through my life so one, I’m used to it and two, it takes a bit of time to recognise it because I’m so accustomed to it.
Well it came to a boiling point the other day and this lady called me as I owed her some money, not much, but her classes had been closed over Christmas and had only just started up again.
I have been going to her for 20 years, made coffee and tea for everyone for 20 years, helped her out with her internet when it wasn’t working over 20 years, in class time. (Yeah I’m an idiot!!) I am a warm, polite, kind, giving person. I know she would not have spoken to anyone else the same way. I am so hurt I would have thought that with this length of time I would have earnt a polite professional reminder.
The upshot is I have quit and it’s broken my heart and I am so angry. I just want someone to cry with me.
Thank you for sharing your experience. IT is very sad, so sad and angry makes absolute sense! You feel how you feel and reaching out is a wonderful thing to do. I do want to congratulate you on taking care of you and honouring yourself by leaving the situation. That takes bravery, and yes it will feel horrible at first. But, what you are giving yourself will have long-lasting effects. Bravo, and please connect to a friend or confidant or maybe even a counselor in your area to share your feelings. You deserve that as well!
To make a long story short my husband says I disrespected him for using his social security number for our sons FAFSA without asking him. I m confused because it is on our income tax return already. I cannot get him to listen to me about this & both me & out soon are being shot out by him. A little back ground he left last year for to an affair & still denies anything happened there. Can back because he said I changed & wanted to work it out. I just don’t understand what he is doing. Did he changed his mind & this is his way of getting it again or did I really disrespect him. I am so confused. Thank you.
Oh my gosh!! You have a self-centred, narcissistic, waste of time, controlling lying coward on your hands if you didn’t already know that. You need peace and love.
I’ve dealt with disrespectful people, and I still continue to deal with them. I don’t retaliate because I am very mindful of people’s emotions but they seem to not care enough about mine with the words they say. I know that my words could possibly end the friendship and its because I care about them, but I’m coming to the conclusion that if they are bold enough to disrespect me then I to should not pay any mind to their emotions. Losing people hurt, but in the long run, it’s for the better. I’d rather be lonely and happy, than in a friendship feeling less. I am going to speak up for myself and if the person is offended then oops, next time when you come at me, come correctly. plain and simple.
I have dealt with a lot of abusive, disrespectful people in my life. I have one unstable brother and one terrible narcissistic brother. This article nails it. Yes — move/leave immediately, if you can. Take your power back. I have had horrible friends and family members. I finally completely disconnected myself from them. I don’t tolerate garbage anymore. I am at peace, at least when to comes to matters of friends and family. I choose my contacts. I set and keep my boundaries. I do not answer phone calls or posts from disrespectful people. I do not need that kind of energy. Yes, I would listen to this lady.
I am dealing with a disrespectful man right now. I’m so lost and fed up. I have been with this man for 15 years now. It been a nightmare, the constant cheating, lying to getting two different women pregnant. his family members got involved and ask I forgive him and save my family, I listened but He is still seeing both and denies it. I know you are thinking why in the world I’m still with him. I have tried so hard to leave but it been impossible. We have 3 kid, businesses and houses together. Our family are so connected and everyone has tried but he keeps lying and messing around. I have told him to leave several times but he comes back again and again claiming he has change and he misses his family. I have kicked him out and yet family will get involve and he will come back and still the same problem. I have tried to leave with my kids but he find us. I’m stuck and close to losing it. Why I’m so unlucky. He won’t leave me and he won’t change. Sigh… my life is unbearable, I have no friends, I have no one to speak but family (who are too traditional). I want to be free but I can’t get free.
Yes I am facing disrespect situation in family, workplace, society etc
My age 53yrs
I was in a relationship with someone who countless lied and cheated. When I would walk away he would then return making me think it was all my fault. When I set down to talk it was never to talk about the ost of the events that had cause such toxic to the relationship. I found it hard to express my feeling with this person in a face to face conversation. So I then turned to text. Which would be long text. He then would get mad at me for sending long text. That he would not read them. That face to face but that was only a way to get me alone to pressure me into believing he words not his actions. All while it was only about sex with him. I saw that times went on. Again when I would speak on these things. He would turn around and say I’m the one who has disrespected him. I’ve looked up and read and read things. That I’m speak in my feelings. How doing so can be wrong is unbelievable to me. And I don’t feel my actions were disrespected at all. I spoke my truth. If my truth was wrong. Then he could have spoken his truth not walk away making me feel less then.