As a person in Business and in life, we can often come face to face with disrespect.
It can be disrespect from colleagues, disrespect from our exes and the father/mother of our children, disrespect from our parents or peers, it can be disrespect from government officials, or any person of authority. Disrespect can sneak into any situation and it can leave you feeling ‘less than’ and rather victimized.
Since our goal is to REMOVE the victim in the scenario – (this is an empowered person’s first goal.) We need to be aware of what is happening and make steps to deal with it. First, we need to recognize when we are being disrespected so that it is not normalized, but treated truthfully for what it is – abuse. Could you possibly be in an abusive relationship? Check out the ‘Red Flags’ and early warning signs to see if you are.
Here are 10 signs of disrespect:
THEY DON’T LISTEN
When you begin to talk they give you body signals ( looking at phone or watch) to indicate that what you are saying is not important and that they have better things to do.
When you are talking they give you only a few words of space and then start talking over you. What they have to say is way more valuable and important than what you have to say.
THEY TALK AT YOU RATHER THAN WITH YOU
They don’t approach conversations with an open demeanor and they talk down to you and don’t wait for your reply. It is a one sided conversation.
THEY DON’T INCLUDE YOU IN IMPORTANT DECISIONS
They make decisions without asking you to weigh in. They don’t deem your input as valuable.
THEY ARE ALWAYS LATE
They don’t honour their commitments to you for meetings or other arranged times. They are just fine making you wait for them and likely won’t apologize for being late.
THEY TALK BEHIND YOUR BACK
They enlist others and make up stories and ‘gossip’ about you. They make false judgments on you and decide that they are right about these judgments.
THEY DON’T HONOUR AGREEMENTS
If they’ve even been able to listen long enough to agree to terms, they will quickly forget them and not honour them.
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU AND IGNORE YOUR BOUNDARIES
They will make up excuses and otherwise not operate in integrity with you. They will ignore boundaries you make, and you will feel afraid to make any boundaries to protect yourself around them.
THEY WILL LAUGH
Or dismiss your concerns when you bring them up.
THEY WILL ACT AS THOUGH YOU ARE DAMAGED
Weak, stupid, needing counseling, damaged or any other derogatory way of reducing you to be beneath them.
Now that you have recognized you are being disrespected. What do you Do?
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU
KNOW that this is all more about them than it is about you. These people have issues themselves and they are very insecure so they feel a need to diminish other people to feel good about themselves. They could even have personality disorders ( Narcissism or Sociopath behaviours) YOU do count, you are valuable and what you say matters. You need to stay strong and sure in this and realize the weakness is coming from the person disrespecting you, not you.
TRY TO COMMUNICATE
Ideally, you want to find a way to communicate to these individuals so that they hear you and start adjusting their behavior. But, often that doesn’t work, so then you work on the following steps to remove yourself from the situation.
CONSIDER CHANGING LOCATION
If this is a work situation, see if you can connect with a ‘higher up‘ to explain your situation with this person. If the higher up disrespects you, seriously consider leaving the place you work.
If this is an ex spouse situation, get all agreements in writing or as court orders and consider investing in a mediator or lawyer to intercept all communications for you
TIME TO LET GO
If you are in a situation that you can leave the dynamic – then LEAVE. You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life. Pack your bags, put in your resignation letter. It may seem drastic, but believe me, it is far less drastic than the hell you’ll be living if you stay around.
GET SOME SUPPORT
If you cannot leave the situation, work with a counselor or therapist to establish strong boundaries and ways of relating to people who are unable to offer respect.
Being disrespected feels terrible, and often as Women we just absorb it and carry on believing that it is our issue and we must have done something to deserve it. It can be easier to stay quiet and just deal with it than speak up and protect yourself from it. BUT, what you lose when you don’t speak up is far more drastic and soul sucking than what you lose if you do speak up and shake the tree.
Normalization of abuse, disrespect and shame is what happens in many dynamics in personal and work relationships and it is important to start being AWARE of the abuse before you can remove the victim from it. Being a Victim will never serve you, and you can get away from it, but it takes a willingness to do so.
Educate yourself on the signs of disrespect, be honest with yourself and find support networks to start removing yourself from the situation or other ways of handling it that don’t allow the disrespectful person to continue with their behavior.
It all starts with us. We are the agents of our own change. Be Brave and do what you need to do to love yourself by valuing yourself enough to not allow this kind of thing in your life, from ANYONE.
Are you unsure if you are facing disrespect in your life? Comment below. Have you dealt with disrespect successfully before? Let me know how you handled it in the comment section below! I welcome ALL comments!