It’s Mother’s Day this weekend.
My very FIRST Mother’s day as a mother was tainted with subtle disrespect as I was pregnant with my first child, and my partner at the time decided that I wasn’t YET a mother, so celebrating ME was just not an option. Not the greatest way to begin the epic journey of motherhood that makes the world go round – and it does. Without mothers there would be nothing. Nothing. Yet we treat them so badly. Even our mother Earth – the very planet we reside on, depend on for air, water, soil for food and essentials for life – we disrespect her on a daily basis too.
Mothers tend to be the screen that we project all of our STUFF onto. They are our creators, our sustenance, our support, our biggest fans and sometimes our biggest disappointments. Yes, you read that right. This article isn’t about all the fluffy stuff we tend to talk about on ‘Special’ commercialized days like Mother’s Day. This article would like you to go deeper this weekend as you honour your Mom and the landslide of emotions that always accompanies that single, simple word.
You see, moms fail, they can suck, they can even totally screw you up and mess you up so that you spend much of your life ‘fixing’ yourself. Moms can make mistakes, they can choose the wrong boyfriends, they can be trapped in abusive relationships and be dragging you down with them, they can be on welfare and poor and they can be super corporate mom or entrepreneurs and never be around. Moms can be too stifling and controlling and they can be too distant and evasive. Moms can give you too many hugs, or not enough. They can show up to your after school events and embarrass the piss out of you, or they will never show up. Moms can mother you WAY past the time they should be letting you go, and they can let you go WAY too early so that you have to raise yourself.
Moms are full of shit, they lie, manipulate, yell and make you do stuff you don’t want to do. Moms are mean, self centred and were seriously just put here to ruin your life.
Moms are also so wrapped up in themselves they don’t even notice when you need them. They abandon you, your feelings and your needs. They ignore them so well that you never learn how to even honour your own feelings as you become an adult.
Moms – who needs them!? Screw them!
Well, let’s stop that train now – we all need them. You see, all that STUFF that sucks, all those things that are less than perfect? They are human being imperfect, messy, sticky, icky and fucked up stuff. I know you have issues with your Mom, we all do. Life just wouldn’t be life as a human if we didn’t have some awful story to remember about our childhood and what our moms did or didn’t do.
The important thing to remember on Mother’s Day and EVERY day, is that being a Mom is really goddamn hard. All of us who get that position and that looming and intimidating title are scared shitless from the first day we learn we are being promoted, or demoted – it depends on what it means to each person. We became Moms out of love, need, carnal desire or a moment of regret. The stories of how each of us ‘came to be’ are as varied as the personalities we all are.
To Truly HONOUR your MOM on Mother’s Day is to feel the absolute RESPECT – the down on your knees gratitude and honour for the Woman who brought you life, possibly screwed up your life, but did the very BEST that she could through your life to be the BEST mom that she knew how to be for you. And if you’ve learned that distance is the healthiest thing for your relationship with mom, then honour that too – the more you forgive your mom, the more chance you have to live your own life fully. And if your mom is a single mom or dad, well, that reality is as scary as things can get for them. She is the only and the everything and knowing that can terrifying to the best of us, but we carry on and do our best anyway. Honour that single parent who plays both roles just that much more – she’s out there alone most of the time and could use your love and support.
Your mom? She had a mom too, and that mom may have messed her up as well – so, you know your mom may not know HOW to do any better than she does.
But I can promise you one thing: She ALWAYS does the best she knows how.
She would give her life for you if it came down to it. And yes, even the self centred moms who abandoned their kids would. Sure, the world does hold some pretty weird people that perhaps would even kill their own kids – I don’t deny that reality is in our world. But, for the majority of us, our moms do everything that they can to give us the best chance to grow up and be an adult ourselves.
You want to know a secret?
Your mom wishes for you to be that BETTER version of her. She might not even be aware of that herself, but she does. You mom truly desires you to go out there and not make her mistakes, suffer her losses and mess up your kids as she did hers. Your mom will do what she can to make you BETTER. And her plan to do that may appear to you as the Bitch who is ruining your life. But, isn’t life just like that too at times? Life can be a bitch, and the wiser of us learn to see the LESSON in those times at ALL times.
Life is what you make of it, and your Mom is what you make of her. I know, that’s a challenging thought, but it is true. Much of the emotional turmoil around your MOM is your own stuff. Sigh….not much fun hearing that is it? But it is true, because if you can let your mom off the hook, focus on what she HAS done well ( I know there is lots of that in there too) and see her as the imperfect human being she is, and respect her anyway? You’ll notice that all the angst and pain will start to fade away. It’s really up to you. And it’s for you.
And at the same time, let’s not forget the Step Moms who come along. Do they suck? Or have they saved you? Or the Dads who are Moms and Dads. To the Dads who are Moms and everything in between. This role is a tough one, and it takes an army to raise one kid – well, it takes a whole community – so it’s no wonder YOUR mom may not be doing the job so well, she or he is only one person.
And as you grow up, become an adult and then find yourself pregnant with your first child – YES you are a goddamn mom when you are carrying that child inside you. YES you are to be honoured and respected. If not for where you HAVE BEEN, but for where you WILL BE GOING. Your path will be individual, it will be unique and you will probably also fuck up your kids too. But, you know that you will give EVERYTHING to do the best you can do and to ensure that those kids will be just that much BETTER than you.
And isn’t that all we can hope for? Does all the crap really even matter? Nope. Your Mother is your Mother in all of her imperfection. No matter where you are at in your relationship with mom, or with your kids as a mom the most important thing to remember is this:
Your mom gave you the biggest gift of all – LIFE. She is your canvas, your screen and you can project on to that screen whatever you desire. This year, how about changing the old movie you’ve been playing since, forever. How about honouring mom with a HUGE amount of RESPECT and then just leave it there. She deserves it, as do you.
The only thing that is REAL in this world is love. The rest? It’s all made up drama, conflict, confusion, anger, resentment…blah blah I can go on. Make a choice in your life, and make those changes. Some of you may already be here, and you’ll be honouring mom this weekend, and every day while you still have her with you on this world. Bravo to you – Share your wisdom with the rest of the world so we can start respecting our #1 Mother – MOTHER EARTH as a united front.
Happy Mother’s Day Moms!
You are the world to us, really. We respect and honour EVERYTHING that you are, imperfections and all.
Now – send this to a Mom who needs to hear it, and read it again for yourself if you are a mom who feels ‘less than.’ You are a SuperStar, there is no doubt in my mind about that.
Rock on Mom. <3