Can you spot a true Gentleman?
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and that can trigger all sorts of ‘feelings’ for those not in relationships, just fresh out of BAD/ abusive relationships, or those who have been single for a while but are still looking – OR just because. ROMANCE is in the air and women/men everywhere are pining for that ‘True Gentleman’ to come and sweep them off their feet!
Personally, I think if Valentine’s Day is the only day you think of love, then you are missing the whole point. And, if it is the only day your partner chooses to treat you like a Queen, then they are missing the point and you are missing out and need to realize your own value and worth.
BUT, because of the over commercialism of Valentine’s Day, we cannot escape the hearts, chocolates and flowers and the constant reminder of how well we are doing or how woefully terrible we are faring in the romance department. So, it is the opportune time to explore your own barriers to LOVE and work on how you can start inviting it into your life more.
One of the BIGGEST challenges these days for women – especially the single working mom women out there – is the feeling that there just aren’t any gentlemen left in the world. I used to feel this way, but then I realized that maybe I hadn’t found one yet, because I didn’t really know what I was looking for. So, I’ve compiled a list of ‘SIGNS of the Gentleman’ so that you can learn to spot them and hold on to them! They don’t come flashing into your life like a comet from the sky, they quietly just ‘arrive’ and if you aren’t versed and aware of your own ‘bad boy’ meter and how it is causing you to miss these gems when they arrive, then you will lose out. So learn how to spot them, and learn how to ‘choose’ your partner over ‘falling’ for your partner. It’s not as romantic sounding, I know. But, it is the adult version of love, and I promise it will bring you much more joy, happiness and peace.
So here we go!
20 ‘Gentlemanly’ Signs to look for in a man
He is Punctual
A gentleman never makes you wait. He is always on time, and often early to where he is supposed to be. To him, being on time shows his respect for you, and if you want a healthy relationship, respect should be right up there in your ‘must haves’ and ‘non negotiables’ – resist the urge to make excuses for the guy who is always late. It’s a red flag. A gentleman will ALWAYS be on time ( or in the rare case he is not, he will call you to inform you.)
He opens doors for you
A gentleman will ALWAYS want to open a door for you, this includes car doors. This allows you to go in first and for him to follow. It’s not annoying, ladies – it’s a gentleman, let him do his gentlemanly thing.
He always walks on the curb side
When you are walking down the street, hand in hand, or just side by side, a Gentleman will ALWAYS walk closer to the curb to put you farther from the curb and out of harm’s way. No, he’s not ‘steering you’ or ‘herding you’ he is trying to put your health and wellbeing ahead of his own.
Offer his Jacket
If you find yourself cold, and in a situation where you just don’t have enough layers on – a Gentleman will always offer his own jacket to ensure you are kept toasty and warm.
Offers her assistance when sitting
A gentleman will always pull out your chair for you and help you to sit before sitting himself. His goal is to ensure your comfort first before attending to his own.
Gives up his seat for others
He never hesitates to give up his own seat for the elderly, handicapped, pregnant, or other women when needed. He is showing his respect and always sacrifices his comfort for that of those who need it more.
Never eats first
This is a small thing, but important. It is a basic courtesy – like taking your hat off in an eating or home environment. It shows respect. A gentleman will wait until everyone else has started eating before he does
Offers his arm or hand
When walking down the street, up the stairs, down the stairs, over a curb or really, anywhere – a Gentleman will offer his arm as support so that he can ensure your stability and comfort. This is something that makes you feel special, and that is what he wants. He wants you to feel special, valuable and important to him, because you ARE!
This one is a no brainer. A gentleman will ALWAYS be polite, with everyone. If you are on a date and the man is rude to the server – RUN! Manners are the hallmark of a true gentleman and it will ensure that he will always be considerate, compassionate and kind to you and everyone else.
Follows Etiquette when needed
Primarily in restaurants or other establishments where this is required, a Gentleman will know when he can dig in with his hands ( at a BBQ) or when he is needing to fold the napkin in his lap and eat with more refinement. This is more evidence of manners and a willingness to follow etiquette when it is needed.
Is never rude and obnoxious to others
This should be a ‘no brainer’ as well – but ‘bad boys’ still seem to have magnetism for many women. A Gentleman will never be rude, yell at others or swear and curse in public. He knows that there is a time and a place and it is not ‘manly’ to put others down. Only a bully does that. So, if your date is rude and obnoxious. RUN! Red Flag CITY!
A Gentleman always offers his full attention. You will never find him scrolling through his social media apps on his phone while you are talking to him. He will always be looking directly at you and actively listening. Actively listening means; he is absorbing what you are saying and isn’t just ‘pretending’ to listen while actually thinking about that cold beer he has at home in the fridge and wishing he was there instead. A Gentleman can carry a conversation because he is engaged in it and he is truly listening.
Offers to pay the bill
A bone of contention for many women, but offering is just respect, not a sign that he doesn’t think you CAN pay the bill. If your date offers, you can always meet him halfway and offer as well. To a Gentleman, the assumption is that he will cover the cost, not that you will in any way. He is showing that he has no ‘expectations’ of you – he is here to be of service to you. So don’t take offense to it, be thrilled that you found a man like this and then have an adult conversation with him if you REALLY need to pay for half or all of it.
Does not share your relationship details
A Gentleman will never be found hanging around a locker room, or at the bar bragging about his lady, or worse, complaining about his lady. A Gentleman will keep his relationship details to himself out of respect for his woman and their bond and trust. If you are on a date and he starts to bitch about his ex right away – RUN!
Is true to his word
GULP – does it really exist? YES, it DOES! There is no excuse for non genuine people and those who are out of their integrity. Good, healthy relationships are built on trust, and if one person can never seem to keep their word, trust is not something that will flourish here….Expect this for yourself and know when you’ve found a man who takes this as seriously as it should be.
A Gentleman doesn’t share things that aren’t his to share. If someone tells him something in confidence, he’ll keep it to himself, period. This one is easy.
Is never violent with women
Oh…this one is so important, so terribly important. The signs of an abuser show up early, and if you know what you are looking for you can ensure you RUN the other way, and FAST. A gentleman is NEVER violent in any way to women. This means verbally, emotionally and physically. There should be no time where you feel unsafe, unsure or where your boundaries are violated. No means no. Our Society struggles with this one, but a Gentleman is pretty clear on it. No Violence in ANY WAY. A true gentleman is a protector of women, not an aggressor or bully.
This comes with ‘keeping his word’ it’s a matter of integrity. He will never lie – and this mean lying by omission as well which is popular these days. A Gentleman will make sure he is communicating fully and not keeping secrets from his partner about himself. This promotes trust, which is paramount for any successful relationship.
Is willing to attend to household or other issues
A gentleman won’t just sit on the couch while you deal with the clogged sink or the plaster falling off the wall. A Gentleman will aim to get to these things first to ensure he is keeping your environment comfortable. He will always work with you on chores and won’t hesitate to do something that needs done from changing diapers to changing light bulbs.
Is a Champion for the underdog
A Gentleman is a protector, and he does not hesitate to come to the defense of the defenseless. Where he sees he is needed, he will jump in without hesitation. His heart is that of a warrior, or of the ancient ‘Knights’ and he is driven to protect those that need it most. Value this incredible trait in your man. This is a wonderful thing, and it’s part of what keeps the Chivalry alive today!
If you are one of those women who get annoyed with these things, then I say ‘GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT!’ – if you view these things as controlling, dominating or the like – then you are not seeing the full picture. A gentleman is never going to control, manipulate or abuse you in any way. In fact, he is everything that is opposite. He is full of respect for you and he will show this to you in these ways. HONOUR this man, and treat him well. If you have been lucky enough to find one, you need to remember that it’s up to you to keep him.
The ‘bad boy’ may be fun in your twenties, but you’ll soon figure out that the fun only lasts for a little while and then the ‘baby boy’ syndrome sets in and you are left with a man boy who is like a child you need to take care of. Nobody wants that. Learn to spot the real man in the crowd and realize that they are out there, you just need to know what you are looking for and HOW to look at it! Perception is EVERYTHING.
Feminism exists for a gentleman – because he sees you as equal, and he also sees you as his most important thing and his priority. Taking care of you is not sexist. Taking care of you is LOVE. So, get it straight in your head and go out and find that GENTLEMAN!